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Pregnancy takes me deep into myself at certain points on the journey

I could weep for days on end

at the Pain of the world

At wanting to Mother the world

And not being able to

I could weep a solitary weep for all of Humanity

and it’s beautiful pain

and sacred suffering

and the hopes that many versions of it can pass

Forever

I weep for the dying parts of Myself

I feel moments of intense physical weakness.

Where all I can muster to do is lay on the floor of the shower as the water hits me

Trying not to vomit

Trying to collect my energy

Realizing this is a checkpoint for an upcoming labour

Realizing I don’t yet have the resources or strength to Handle it

And realizing what I need to fill in those gaps

Rest

Sleep

Peace

Systems

Structures

Routines

NEW ones to grow with our ever growing family

My plate must get bigger

Nutrition

More nourishing nourishing food

My organ supplements again that I thought I couldn’t afford

...

My Beautiful Alice, I am so proud of her.

We often have ebbs and flows with Alice, breakdowns to breakthroughs. Because she's different. Because she's a lot. Because she's loud and vocal and constant and so non-stop.

We even reached out to my social worker friend & colleague about setting some systems up, so that is happily in the works.

But the other side of this 'it's so much to manage' coin is that Alice is actually massive leadership simply waiting to be groomed. Alice is self-expression to the max, waiting to serve.

I'm so proud of her on so many levels.

I mean they say how a kid is outside of the Home - away from you - is a true reflection of the situation. And while she may be rotten around me at times. She shines like an absolute Star outside of the house.

I basically kicked her out and stuck her in camp for four weeks after snapping on her one day. I was so, so, so sick of having to entertain her all day long. She can't go to...

My friend Anthony Florendo poses an amazing question from Einstein, to paraphrase: Do you view the Universe as Friendly or Hostile?

And I’ve thought about it a lot and I have a lot to say because, inherently, my Universe occurs Hostile as Fuck. Hear me out because yours May too.

My family fled from Germany to Canada to avoid being killed during World War II. My great uncle almost died on the journey. His son (my cousin) was later hit by a drunk driver and quadriplegic for ten years before he died.

My Mom was kidnapped as a child, and almost sexually assaulted, and barely escaped the man’s car before running free.

I share this to say, A certain degree of generational trauma was already in my bones when I was born. I felt it in the way my Grandmother spoke. There were pains already embedded into my family before my birth, as I’m sure there were yours as well.

I almost died three times as a kid. Once I was almost hit by a car as a pedestrian. Once I choked on a mint...

How have you been, in terms of WAKING UP & Getting Started these first 7 days of the Year? 

An issue shared by Neurodivergents / ADHDers, Most Moms, and High Performers:

Getting GOING in the Morning. And, having it set up the REST of your day for Success & Happiness.

And I would argue it's probably harder for the former two groups. 

So I'm going to share with you how I condense my morning 'must-do's' and get on with it so I can get started in as little time as possible. 

1. I plan my outfits for the week in advance. 

Right now as a fulltime Mom working from home, I'm wearing yoga clothes 24/7.  They all fit into one large Ziploc freezer bag that I can re-use again and again:

• Thong
• Sports Bra
• Socks
• Yoga Pants / Leggings
• Tank Top
• Reusable Nursing Pads

Back when I wore professional clothes 3-4 days of the week, I hung outfits on hangers in a special section in my closet. This included accessories like...

My Iron (ferritin) has been low since the first time I knowingly measured it age 14. 

It's never been higher than 7 - 14! Which is to say basically anemic. 

I've never tested a woman of fertile age with a substantial ferritin, either. I've literally never seen one be in optimal range. Post-menopausal women, sure, but never a woman that menstruates. (Keep in mind... I was working with a population with fertility & hormone issues). 

Thing is, Iron is required to make our thyroid hormones. 

So low Iron = Low Metabolism & Low Thyroid functioning. 

AND, Iron is necessary to convert the amino acid tyrosine, into DOPAMINE, the thing those of us with ADHD are deficient in. 

So Low Iron = Low Dopamine too. 

And low iron also means low oxygen-carrying capacity of the blood. Leading to

• Fatigue
• Brain Fog
• Low motivation
• Low metabolism

Overall being a useless blob on the couch, as I call myself...

Have you ever noticed how you have to course-correct in real life? 

Like you've got a theory, a way you think something is going to work or go down. And then, how it ACTUALLY goes down. You know; how you envisioned the Family Christmas; how you envisioned the frisbee toss you just made; how you envisioned your Pinterest gluten-free cookie recipe going. 

Sometimes we make real-time, GAME-time decisions as my boyfriend calls them. 

A Coach once told me to read the book Psycho-Cybernetics, which is all about this. How true success and learning actually only happens ONCE we begin to take actions, because that's the way the human brain is designed. It gets further, learns more, and ACHIEVES more, by first getting into action, and then COURSE-CORRECTING it's trajectory based on real-time feedback. 

I tells ya, it works a hell of a lot better than just sitting on the sidelines, dreaming up the perfect play, but never putting it into...

I have a little story for you about how Camembert Cheese sabotaged my relationships. 

No, for real. 

Dairy is a straight-up problem for me, I'm well aware. I was NOT well aware at the age of 20, when I began testing this theory, but now, 15 years later - I'm WELL aware. 

But.... CHEESE!??!?!

So on Christmas Eve I vowed to buy 3 small cheesey or dairy items, consume them that day and then not again. 

This is like a once-a-year thing for me, to indulge in a 'treat' that kind of hurts me, but I don't want to say I'm 'never going to eat it again' because that can create binge behaviour in the brain. (Our brains are naturally rebellious against restriction, especially our subconscious. If you say 'Never,' it goes, 'Oh Yeah? I'll show you!')

So, Christmas Eve. I had some yogurt, some camembert, some spinach dip, and those weird round cheeses with the red wax all over them. I dunno, my daughter's pick, whatever. I spent five...

{The ADHD Chronicles, Episode 1}:


So lately my Facebook feed has become super depressing. Well by lately I mean since COVID. Can you relate?


THAT Aside... We used to be able to get News on TV and have good or at least interesting times on Facebook. Maybe it's naive to ever want that again. But I'd like to start sprinkling more Fairy Dust over here in my corner of the Internet, or at least, something ELSE.... Something Different. Something.... ADHD


[In fact this post is already so ADHD...]


My Boyfriend and I both have ADHD, and he's the reason I even sought medical opinions and got diagnosed in the first place. We often talk on our Saturday Morning coffee dates with the Babe about how ADHD affects us, as adults. How it affects us, as PARENTS. And how there are SO few stories about this out there. Usually it's all, "What's it like to be the Parent of a CHILD with ADHD?"


Meanwhile here WE are... all Like.... "How weird is it to be a PARENT with ADHD!?" So Weird.


Like forgetting to bring...

I woke up this morning 2lbs lighter, despite eating over 3000 calories of meat and 5,000mg of sodium! I drank 10+ cups of fluid as well. I was 167.5 the morning of day one and I’m 165.4 the morning of day two. To which I attribute the decreased carbs / decreased water retention and bloating. I've been stuck at 166 since the birth (down from around 190, y'all! Within a day of giving birth.) So being here for 7 weeks, it's nice to see the number drop below 166.

I woke up feeling a bit ‘low blood sugar’ - minor hanger, minor starvation, but it quickly passed. I ate five slices of bacon and a bulletproof coffee (with half a tablespoon of coconut oil only), and felt better. I’m trying to drink my salty electrolyte water but it just doesn’t appeal at all. I figure if I’m eating a lot of salt in the bacon, it probably balances out any unsalted beverages I have. Let’s see.

I also had a notably flatter stomach upon waking and felt a lot...