"Sometimes going Mad is the closest to Sane you'll ever get."
This was a message I downloaded from the divine this past week leading up to my 37th birthday.
I've been wrestling with a lot this year so far in making a declaration that I'd like to work with my emotional regulation.
You see, ever since I started undergrad in 2005, I've been experiencing this weird 'me versus me' journey. Me trying to figure out, hack, beat, and compete with - my own brain and mind.
I've always - let me say this
I've always always ALWAYS
Perhaps you have too?
I've always felt like my brain was this big beautiful bitch but that she worked so totally different from others around me and I didn't get it and I felt like it was my JOB to finally get it so I could actually be successful. But I keep feeling 'not successful' anyways at the age of 37, because I've also made some weird declaration [that I think...
𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗜𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗡𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻
"And for my next post, I will be featuring the 33rd shot of me holding a cup of coffee. I call this exhibit, "Is morning over yet?""
Anyways, I have a dark and dry sense of humour that often only other neurodiverse people comprehend. Which will flow perfectly with my next errr actual topic for today. The loss of friendships due to parenthood but REALLY due to a neurodiverse poor sense of time.
I was telling my partner Tom how many of my former friendships died a slow death after I had my first daughter, Alice, almost a decade ago.
"It's not that anyone Declared the friendship over, it just fades over time due to constant lack of nourishment," I told him. "And thus my current friends are the Cockroaches that survived the Nuclear Apocalypse that is my Life."
<No I'm not serious. Yes this is my sick sense of humour.>
But also YES I am serious about...
𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗨𝗽 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗗𝗲𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗲. 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗠𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝘁!!
Absolute reality may be a thing (ADHD brain is still questioning it )
But our EXPERIENCE and PERCEPTION of reality is debatable - and changeable.
If I took you to Toronto, and stood you on the ground level and asked you to describe Toronto to me, you'd share one point of view about it.
But then if I took you up to the 27th floor of my old condo and asked you to describe Toronto, it would be a totally different description.
Same reality - different FRAMES you're looking out of. Different frames of reference or points of view.
It's like that story of the six blind men being asked to describe an elephant. One touches the legs and says "It's like a tree," another touches the elephant's trunk and say's "Its like a hose..."
You get the drift. ALL of it is the elephant. But our angle can change our perception of reality.
So if at any given moment, you...
𝗪𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗟𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗿𝘆-𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 - 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻'𝘁 𝗬𝗲𝘁 𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗙𝗮𝗰𝘁
There are 5 of us now, and one of us pukes on mom a million times a day. So we do the laundry of a small army, really. And the only time we truly kept up with it was when Tom's amazing Momma stayed with us for two weeks after the baby was born! (Can we keep her!?)
But really I went from bitching about doing laundry once a week for Alice and I back in the day,
To now needing to do at least one load every day - for FIVE people. Ha, be careful what you bitch about
A couple lessons here:
1. You are capable of way more than you think. Sometimes you actually need to take MORE things on, to learn that! This is why certain leadership programs I've done actually put MORE stuff on our plates - to get our plates to stretch way bigger!
2. Getting into the habit of laundry every day is a new system for me...
𝗔 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗟𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵 & 𝗔 𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝘄𝗼 𝗕𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗖𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗔𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴
An Irish Proverb I've been referring to a lot lately.
I'm all for feeling feelings, embodying them, experiencing and expressing them.
And then sometimes, it's a bit much. Just a bit.
Please remember I live in house full of girls, and there are a lot of emotional meltdowns, many of which I can often be like,
"Okay You just haven't eaten enough protein. YOU haven't eaten enough, period. And YOU just need a good proper sleep instead of this teething BS."
The Mums will know *exactly* what I'm talking about.
Sometimes 'talk therapy' is useless, when what we're really dealing with are nutrition and sleep issues, is what I'm saying.
Even times my partner wants to talk and I can sense it's just going circular, not really helping him at all, and I have to interrupt and say, Can we just have a good night's...
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗗𝗼 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝘆 𝗬𝗼𝘂
Amanda Frances' book, Rich as F*** is one of all-time faves. In it she quotes the Gospel of Thomas saying,
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
This is to say, if you share your Gift with the world, it will save you. And if you don't - it will destroy you.
And it is FOR REAL.
Many days passed during my daughter Maeve's infancy where I was surviving on barely any sleep and my gift went unused, and slowly ate away at and quite literally destroyed me from the Inside out.
I truly believe people let their connections to their Souls die in these tiny increments. Replaced with substances and habits to numb that pain and self-destruction.
My Gift is writing, and Healing. I once heard it said that Writing is like a disease where you can't help but do it, and if you don't do it, that too eats at you.
𝗥𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗧𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗱𝗼
Ha recently my friend Michelle used the term, 'it's like raking leaves in a tornado' to describe how it feels trying to clean the house when toddlers are awake / around.
Now it's a term Tom & I use often to reframe ourselves when we're getting upset, overwhelmed, or frazzled as we try to do a task when our toddler Mæve is around.
"We're trying to rake leaves in a tornado." This is often enough to stop our feelings of frustration as we let out a laugh and take a pause on the situation.
Have you experienced the power of a Reframe?
All of us are prone to what are called 'distorted styles of thinking' or distorted thoughts. All of us are prone to viewing reality in ways that don't necessarily serve us.
Me viewing myself as a failure because I can't clean the kitchen, while my toddler is around making her general daily mess, doesn't SERVE me.
Nor is it the truth - am I really and truly a failure?
Reframes provide a new way of looking at...
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁
Nothing has been quite as healing for me as having the ongoing support of my partner Tom.
I lived for 33 years without him... and spent 15 of those years working on nutrition, supplements, exercise, lifestyle & more.... doing healing practices like Vipassana, detoxes, retreats, hydrotherapy spas in Hungary and Montreal and Cuba and Mexico.....
but nothing of all those healed me as much as His Support. Him supporting me even when I was getting things wrong and he just knew I'd eventually figure it out.
Nothing healed my heart quite so much as that.
And nothing quite healed the many lessons on my self-development path, and my business path, as the support of a stream of many, many amazing coaches. (And the experience of letting go of some not-so-amazing-for me coaches, too).
Sometimes you just need to feel SEEN & HEARD.
Sometimes you're at an impasse and just being...
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝘆
So many coaches teach about 'Embodiment,' and 'Law of Attraction,' and 'Manifesting your life / Magnetizing your desires to you...'
Almost ALL of it relies on having something left within you to FEEL.
What about the days as a Mom that you're so frigging tired, burnt out & depleted, that you don't have an ounce to give or feel?
No one seemed to really truly believe me about our middle child Mæve being 'different' and super high needs - UNTIL they experienced her for themselves (Vindication!!!!)
Most days with her as an infant and many days now as a toddler I have nothing left to feel or to give. I just want to be honest with you. Some days all that we can do is Pray.
I used to work in a Nutrition store. One time a woman came in, recently homeless & broke. I quickly knew recommending any of our supplements was not an answer even though she feigned it was the...
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗞𝗶𝗱𝘀' 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗙𝗼𝗼𝗱
Our Maevey Bean is a High-needs girl (like my Alice).
Don't believe me about either of them? Try getting them to wear socks. Great I'll see you in an hour after your sanity is gone and you've ripped every shred of your own hair out
Nutrition choices don't 'make' kids high needs, but if you have a high needs kid, their behaviour can certainly be impacted by it.
It can make the difference for YOU between having a good day or tolerable day,
VS having a day of tearing your own hair out (again), counting down the minutes till bedtime, and craving a strong drink or whatever your pacifying drug of choice.
(PS I don't vilify wine desires; I think it's a sign of a Mom being under-supported and over-worked).
-Eat breakfast as soon as possible within waking up. Try to get protein, good fats and good carbs in there (all the things). Kids with...